Sunday, February 21, 2010

Holding on

I made the mistake of weighing myself today. I'm still stuck at 125.

I eat net 1200-1400. that shudn't be enough to be maintaining my weight- thats ridiculously low for maintenance.

and then i feel myself slipping to bad thoughts...

if i eat just ONE egg and some veggies with coffee with no creamer, then it would be 130 calories...salad with sugar free dressing and a hard boiled egg is only 100 calories...i could get by on 400 calories for the day...

and then i feel the growing muscles in my thighs, how awake I feel. and then it stops. for a while. but it's enough to keep me going.

I am grateful that my body is healthy enough to get me through each day, my legs healthy enough to stand 45 min on the elliptical on high resistance (how I burned 400 calories!).

breakfast: 1 slice bread, 2 tbsp hummus, some orange-mango juice, coffee w/ creamer & agave (300)
snack: carrots and hummus (120)
lunch: 4 oz tuna steak, sauteed veggies, salad w/ corn and tomatoes, random Terra Cotta chips (450)
snack: small banana, other half of Luna bar (170)
dinner: rice and korean curry (with potatoes, carrots, onions and chicken) (430)
dessert: 1 square milka, coffee w/ creamer & agave (80)
dessert2: citron tea (50)

total: 1600
net: 1200

I was hungry ALL day today. probably because i exercised so much! the dinner calorie estimate is VERY rough (actually so is lunch)- i'm pretty much overestimating again. my net is pretty low today, but i mean i ate 1600 calories...according to some calculators i shud be eating 1200 TOTAL for weight loss (i'd STARVE)- that's freaking insane i'm sorry lol. i mean, technically i COULD. but i don't wanna live hungry 24/7- that's no way to live a life!


  1. Hmmm...I totally get your frustration!

    Are you sure of your calculations re: calories, food weight, etc? I know that when you don't have much more to lose, a little discrepancy can make a BIG difference. An extra 300 calories a day can be the difference between loss or none at all.

    Do you have a food scale? Do you document EVERYTHING you put in your mouth, including any fat (butter, oil, etc) that your food is being cooked in? I know that gets me...when my weight loss slows down I have to really focus on what I'm ACTUALLY eating, and not just what I think matters. it possible you're not eating enough? Maybe you're not and your body doesn't want to let go of anything?

    Good luck...maybe it's just a plateau! You'll break it. :)

  2. i think i'm eating enough even with my overestimates

    and i can't get a food scale for fear of slipping back to my disordered eating...T_T

    thanks for the tips though!

  3. Yes, that restrictive thinking can be tempting. But you're right, life is so much better with energy. And really in the long run in only hurts the healing. Good for you girl!

  4. Ohhh, I see. I'm sorry if what I said seemed thoughtless, I didn't mean it to be. :(

    Sometimes our bodies just don't want to budge, that's for sure. But if you're doing everything right, then you'll get past this! Hang in there!

  5. Sorry for the double post, but I just read your "Last Day of Break" post where you pretty much go into why you don't have a food scale, and why you don't do all those stupid things I recommended. I'm mouth, insert foot. I'm usually not that dumb!

  6. it's ok- they were good suggestions. i'm just very careful not to slip back...i did used to eat all packaged foods so i'd know exactly how much i was eating (before i knew food scales even existed!)